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[click "Play" to hear Dr. Paul Hokemeyer continue on co-dependency]

 

 

By Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Dr. Paul Hokemeyer Last week we talked about the signs and symptoms of co-dependency. This week I want to dig down a little deeper and explore how our interpersonal boundaries impact our emotional well-being. Without exception, people who suffer in co-dependent relationships have thin or non-existent boundaries with the person with whom they are in a co-dependent relationship (their qualifier).

Ernest Hartmann articulated the notion that our interpersonal boundaries are either thick or thin in his 1991 book Boundaries in the Mind. Hartmann noted that people typically fall into two types: Those who have thick boundaries are loners and have few intimate connections with other people. Those who have thin boundaries tend to fall in love and trust too easily.

25 March, 2011 /

March 24 to 31, 2011
Visible Planets: Morning: Venus and Saturn  Evening: Mercury

When Catastrophes Collide and Chaos Reigns...

Beach fire moon Okay, I surrender. Wild, electric Uranus has moved from the numinous, mutable waters of Pisces in to the primal, cardinal fire of Aries – joining magnanimous Jupiter there - and in so doing, ignited the planet. Everywhere I see explosions and conflagrations – from highly unseasonable wildfires along the Front Range of the Colorado Rockies to bombs blasting on the far-off shores of Tripoli. It’s all about the sudden, violent and unexpected upheavals and disruptions that rock the world and awaken us to new, revolutionary realities.  The function is to shock us out of our ruts and propel us in new, exciting, self-authentic, cosmically enlightened directions. But, heaven help us, does it have to be this radical?

Big fireball On March 11th - the day of the Uranus ingress – a 9.0 magnitude megathrust earthquake shook Japan and triggered a devastating tsunami, erasing villages and killing thousands. Days later, damaged nuclear reactors reached the point of meltdown and exploded, sending dangerous radioactive waves into the atmosphere. Now, with the Sun marching through the first week of Arien spring, days increasing in length and solar rays becoming more direct, we are feeling the power and angst of the zodiac’s first and most primitive sign. And, I have to admit, I’m feeling more than a little bit crazy. After all, I love a good bonfire, but waking up to three wars, people in peril and a worldwide economic crisis is unsettling to say the least. When catastrophes collide and chaos reigns, what’s a girl to do?

24 March, 2011 /

March 17 to 24, 2011
Visible Planets: Morning: Venus and Saturn  Evening: Mercury and Jupiter

Chaos, Crisis and the Challenge for Creative Change

Spring begins this year on March 20th @ 5:21 pm MDT, when the Earth reaches the zero point of Aries in its orbit around the Sun. Herald March Madness, Vernal Equinox and all manifestations of the natural year’s Primal Thrust. Good luck and may the courage of Mars and the miracle of rebirth be with you.

Wonder woman On Friday, March 11th @ 2:26 pm JST, a 9.0-magnitude megathrust earthquake off the coast of Japan shook the Earth with such force that it not only triggered an extremely destructive tsunami, with waves of up to 33 ft., which in some cases traveled up to 6 miles inland, but also shifted the Earth’s axis by approximately 6 ½ inches. An earthquake of similar magnitude in Chile last year moved the planetary axis by 3 inches. So what effects do these planetary changes have on those of us living on planet Earth?

Diana Roman, a geophysicist with the University of South Florida, said these changes mean the Earth's mass has been redistributed, causing the Earth to spin faster—and making days on Earth slightly shorter. The Japanese earthquake has also caused the Island of Japan to extend about eight feet eastward, and caused the ground to sink slightly more toward the center of the Earth.
    "This is like when a figure skater has her arms out, and she's going slowly as she's spinning. If she pulls her arms in, she'll speed up. The Earth has started spinning slightly faster, and that means the length of a day on Earth is about two-millionths of a second shorter," Roman explained. 

18 March, 2011 /

March 10 to 17, 2011
Visible Planets: Morning: Venus and Saturn  Evening: Mercury and Jupiter

Shining Seas, Surrender and Synthesis

Sparkling sea Red sunrise I’m back home in Colorado and my winter in Baja is now a memory. I see the shining seas and swaying palms, the Mexican rancho in the arroyo and my friend riding her horse in the soft sand along the beach. I can hear the breaking waves as I drift in and out of sleep, the stars are twinkling in the moonlight and a gentle breeze moves the shadows in ghostly rhythm with the night. But my body is here, not there.

MU Mtn Today, I feel grateful and blessed, a creature on this planet Earth, living and breathing, laughing and loving, crying with the pain of others and coping with my own. Tears are signs that I’m alive, that life has touched me, that I am moved by the world’s passions, obsessions and compulsions, that I can feel the ride and embrace the shifting tides of my time here, my time here on this magical planet Earth. The ups and downs, the starts and stops, the endings and beginnings - it’s all part of the journey, the Great Mystery of life and death. Whether I’m south of the border or high on a snowy mountain peak, I can feel the pulsating heart of the Mother Earth and her breath in the wind and air. I drink her water and feed upon her fruit. I can feel the love emanating from her soul and, to all this, I surrender.

10 March, 2011 /

[click "Play" to Dr. Hokemeyer's conversation with Susan]

 

 

Jacket Close #1-1 Thankfully, none of Telluride Inside... and Out's relationships with the various players in the region's robust cultural economy are co-dependent. They are happy and mutually satisfying.

According to part-timeTelluride local Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, the source of TIO's Shrink Rap, co-dependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that occurs when people form and maintain one-sided, emotionally and/or physically abusive relationships. Co-dependency is a construct that focuses on a person’s reliance on something outside himself to regulate how he feels on the inside.

 

 

10 March, 2011 /

March 3 to 10, 2011
Visible Planets: Morning: Venus and Saturn  Evening: Jupiter

Change and No Change: Como es la Vida!

Raleys I’ve been in Mexico now for over three months - the biggest chunk of winter – and I’ll soon be heading home. It’s funny to be back in a place I first came to over thirty years ago on my honeymoon, and returned to ten years later to live in winter for another ten. I’ve witnessed Cabo San Lucas change from a sleepy fishing village with a tuna cannery and a couple of restaurants, a small marina, a few Mexican hotels and a reputation for world class sport fishing turn into a megalopolis of condos, tourist shops, golf courses, resort hotels, gourmet restaurants, world class clubs, hot spots and multi-million dollar homes. Over on the Pacific side, the laid back art and agricultural community of Todos Santos is thriving with new life, gringos and Mexicanos interweave and intertwine like the cotton threads of a hammock. Art galleries and shows, Buddhist sanghas and organic produce abound; the economy is strong and growing. It’s a long shot from the days when roosters roamed the ladrilla floors of the Hotel California and the pounding surf was void of surfers as far as the eye could see.

03 March, 2011 /

February 24 to March 3, 2011
Visible Planets: Morning: Venus and Saturn  Evening: Jupiter

Happy 60th Birthday and the Gifts of Grace

RZBdayMoon My husband, Richard, celebrated his 60th year on planet Earth last Feb. 17th under a full Moon, in front of a raging bonfire on the beach at Boca del Solado, Baja California Sur, Mexico. It was an evening made in heaven and blessed by the gods, the weather superb and the company divine. Two of his three brothers and their women made the trek; we had a celebrity guest of honor and his wife, along with some new gringo friends and four soldiers from the Mexican Army.

I had wondered for months how this milestone party would come off. Inviting friends and family to the tip of the Baja Peninsula to celebrate a birthday – 60 or otherwise – is something that doesn’t result in a lot of takers. Early on it looked like we might have a rather large group, but in the end, the number came to ten – not including the Mexican army, of course!  And so it was, intimate, and so, so sweet!

24 February, 2011 /

February 17 to 24, 2011
Visible Planets: Morning: Venus  Evening: Jupiter

Radical Breakthroughs and Revolutionary Awakenings

MermaidStones A rather unusual planetary gathering takes place this week in the late degrees of air Aquarius. The early hours of February 18th bring us the fruition of the February 2nd Candelmas/Groundhog Day/Chinese Lunar Year New Moon at 29º Leo/Aquarius. Then, during the afternoon and early evening of February 20th, Mercury, Mars and Neptune conjoin at 28º Aquarius, delivering an extra-powerful cosmic punch of the characteristically unpredictable and enigmatic Aquarian energy that often manifests in a snap-crackle-pop kind of way, resulting in radical breakthroughs and revolutionary awakenings. You may suddenly perceive the world differently, as if you are looking for the first time through a multi-dimensional lens of colliding colors and depths, allowing you to really see. Other people and relationships – social and intellectual connections – play starring roles in the pantheon of energy, experience and information that presents itself this week. We are being asked to combine intuition and compassion with intelligence and emotional detachment when it comes to anything and everything involving ego, self will and self-importance – yours or anyone else’s. This is a highly evolved and difficult to negotiate assignment that must be taken with an open mind, a courageous heart and a healthy dose of humility. Otherwise, we may find ourselves dazed, confused, hurt and humiliated, raging at the wind or angry at the world.

18 February, 2011 /

February 10 to 17, 2011
Visible Planets: Morning: Mercury, Venus and Saturn  Evening: Jupiter

Aquarian Self-Awareness and Self-Knowledge

Aquarius As we move through the last week of Aquarius and venture ever closer to spring, solar rays become more direct and days grow longer.  We have passed the February mid-winter cross-quarter mark and drift toward Pisces, the final zodiac month of the natural tropical year. Seeds of hope and inspiration float upon proverbial horizons, we are being awakened to metaphorical ends and new beginnings. It’s time to look up and all around us, check in with what’s going on inside and outside, step out of the past, embrace the present and center ourselves in self-awareness.

The World Self-awareness gives birth to self-knowledge and self-knowledge awakens our personal power, an unremitting ally in the spiritual warrior’s journey on the path of heart and soul. And the fixed-air sign of Aquarius is all about knowledge, spirit and heart. It’s the archetype of the individual in the collective, the unique contribution that each one of us gives to the whole - the unusual idea, the special gift, the act of kindness or the endearing art of friendship. Loyalty, camaraderie and fellowship are Aquarian ideals; revolution, rebellion and invention are its means. In this wild and wacky world, with Uranian change as an ever-constant companion, let us be blessed with the enlightened detachment and inspirational heart of the Waterbearer. Surround yourself with people, places and things that inspire and uplift your spirit and strengthen your resolve to make yourself and this Earth a happier, healthier place in which to live and grow. May peace, love and joy be our friends and companions, the sun, moon and planets our guides and the ever-expanding possibilities of the ever-expanding universe be the numinous amniotic waters in which we birth our dreams.

11 February, 2011 /

Jacket Close #1-1 Valentine’s Day is drawing near. If we’re in a romantic relationship, the thought of the day is cause for happiness.  If we are solo, however, the approaching holiday can make us feel lonely and sad. The truth of the matter is this: when we believe happiness is attached to something or someone outside ourselves, we are setting ourselves up for a big downer. This year, avoid the set-up. Make love to yourself.

As a psychotherapist who helps free people from unhealthy relationships, substances, and behaviors, I see how frequently  emotional and physical pain are caused by an attachment to any number of delusions. We think of a shot of vodka or piece of chocolate cake, for example, as sources of comfort. And while alcohol and sugar can make us feel great in the moment, the feeling is fleeting: in the long run, substances like these diminish our capacity to lovingly connect to our minds and bodies. They distract from a meaningful spiritual existence.

09 February, 2011 /