Shrink Rap with Dr Hokemeyer

Shrink Rap: Is "HAL" parenting your kids?

[click "Play", Dr. Paul Hokemeyer talks about parenting]

By Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

(Editor's note: After a pause to refresh, Telluride Inside... and Out's favorite shrink returns with his every other week column: Shrink Rap. Welcome back, Dr. Paul.)

In my psychotherapy practice I treat lots of adolescents and their parents. One of the changes I’ve observed over the past five years is how dismissive and disrespectful children have become. I attribute this increased lack of respect to the displacement of traditional, human manners with manners learned through the world of technology. Remember the computer from "2001: A Space Odyssey?" Assuming the answer is "yes," is HAL  – or  his digital spawn – raising your kids or are you?

Shrink Rap: Infidelity

By Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Dr. Hokemeyer is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. A part-time Telluride resident, Dr. Hokemeyer is based in the New York City office of the Caron Treatment Centers. He is also a weekly contributor to "The Dr. Oz Show," CNN’s "Headline News," and other media outlets, including "Good Morning America," "truTV," and "Oprah Radio." His new column, Shrink Rap, is scheduled to appear at least bi-monthy on Thursdays on Telluride Inside... and Out.

Infidelity is back making international headlines and it's all over the blogosphere. For months, we had to endure the sordid details of Tiger Woods’ sex life. Then it was Sandra Bullock’s humiliations. Prior to those revelations, the buzz was about all the married politicians stepping out. Now it's The Arnold and Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the disgraced head of the International Monetary Fund.

Shrink Rap: Mean TV

[click "Play", Dr. Paul Hokemeyer talks with Susan about meanness on TV]

By Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Dr. Hokemeyer is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. A part-time Telluride resident, Dr. Hokemeyer is based in the New York City office of the Caron Treatment Centers. He is also a weekly contributor to "The Dr. Oz Show," CNN’s "Headline News," and other media outlets, including "Good Morning America," "truTV," and "Oprah Radio." His new column, Shrink Rap, is scheduled to appear at least bi-monthy on Thursdays on Telluride Inside... and Out.

If I see one more angry, surgically altered middle-aged woman screaming at another angry, surgically altered middle-aged woman, I am going to throw my television in to the Hudson River. Isn't there enough meanness, narcissism and  in the world as it is. Why glamorize such hollow values?

Shrink Rap: Sexting, What Parents Need to Know

[click "Play" to hear Dr. Paul Hokemeyer's conversation with Susan about sexting]

By Dr. Paul Hokemeyer 

Dr.  Paul Hokemeyer is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. A part-time Telluride resident, Dr. Hokemeyer is based in the New York City office of the Caron Treatment Centers. He is also a weekly contributor to "The Dr. Oz Show," CNN’s "Headline News," and other media outlets, including "Good Morning America," "truTV," and "Oprah Radio." His new column, Shrink Rap, is scheduled to appear at least bi-monthy on Thursdays on Telluride Inside... and Out.


My mother frequently says she doesn’t know if she could have survived raising a teenage girl: with my bother and me, she only had to worry about two penises. With a girl, she’d have to worry about thousands. Now imagine my mother’s anxiety if her worry about her sons' sexual behavior were compounded by a technology she could barely comprehend. What if she had to worry about a new trend in teen flirting. What if she had to worry about sexting?

Shrink Rap: Managing Anxiety

by Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Dr. Hokemeyer is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. A part-time Telluride resident, Dr. Hokemeyer is based in the New York City office of the Caron Treatment Centers. He is also a weekly contributor to "The Dr. Oz Show," CNN’s "Headline News," and other media outlets, including "Good Morning America," "truTV," and "Oprah Radio." His new column, Shrink Rap, is scheduled to appear at least bi-monthy on Thursdays on Telluride Inside... and Out.

Recent events in Japan and the threat of a government shutdown serve to underline a fact of life: We live in difficult times, which can translate to scary. On a minute-by-minute basis, we are asked to find joy as we face growing threats of environmental, economic, and physical collapse. Some anxiety is a natural byproduct of these harsh facts of life, but when that anxiety persists and crosses a line, it morphs into a full-blown, paralyzing disorder. When that happens, what steps can we take to tame and contain an anxiety disorder?

Shrink Rap: Interpersonal Boundaries

[click "Play" to hear Dr. Paul Hokemeyer continue on co-dependency]

By Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Last week we talked about the signs and symptoms of co-dependency. This week I want to dig down a little deeper and explore how our interpersonal boundaries impact our emotional well-being. Without exception, people who suffer in co-dependent relationships have thin or non-existent boundaries with the person with whom they are in a co-dependent relationship (their qualifier).

Ernest Hartmann articulated the notion that our interpersonal boundaries are either thick or thin in his 1991 book Boundaries in the Mind. Hartmann noted that people typically fall into two types: Those who have thick boundaries are loners and have few intimate connections with other people. Those who have thin boundaries tend to fall in love and trust too easily.

Shrink Rap: Co-dependency

[click "Play" to Dr. Hokemeyer's conversation with Susan]

Thankfully, none of Telluride Inside... and Out's relationships with the various players in the region's robust cultural economy are co-dependent. They are happy and mutually satisfying.

According to part-timeTelluride local Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, the source of TIO's Shrink Rap, co-dependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that occurs when people form and maintain one-sided, emotionally and/or physically abusive relationships. Co-dependency is a construct that focuses on a person’s reliance on something outside himself to regulate how he feels on the inside.

Shrink Rap: It’s Valentine’s Day. Make Love – To Yourself

Valentine’s Day is drawing near. If we’re in a romantic relationship, the thought of the day is cause for happiness.  If we are solo, however, the approaching holiday can make us feel lonely and sad. The truth of the matter is this: when we believe happiness is attached to something or someone outside ourselves, we are setting ourselves up for a big downer. This year, avoid the set-up. Make love to yourself.

As a psychotherapist who helps free people from unhealthy relationships, substances, and behaviors, I see how frequently  emotional and physical pain are caused by an attachment to any number of delusions. We think of a shot of vodka or piece of chocolate cake, for example, as sources of comfort. And while alcohol and sugar can make us feel great in the moment, the feeling is fleeting: in the long run, substances like these diminish our capacity to lovingly connect to our minds and bodies. They distract from a meaningful spiritual existence.

Shrink Rap with Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Telluride Inside... and Out is pleased to announce the launch of a bi-monthly column focusing on relationships. "Shrink Rap" features part-time Telluride local Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, JD, PhD.

Dr. Hokemeyer is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. A part-time Telluride resident, Dr. Hokemeyer is based in the New York City office of the Caron Treatment Centers. He is also a weekly contributor to "The Dr. Oz Show," CNN’s "Headline News," and other media outlets, including "Good Morning America," "truTV," and "Oprah Radio."