Shrink Rap: Infidelity – or Betrayed by Fragile Egos

Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Shrink Rap: Infidelity – or Betrayed by Fragile Egos

A Telluride local, Dr. Paul Hokemeyer is an internationally recognized expert on treating clinical issues at the nexus of relationships and behavioral health.

Dr. Paul’s upcoming book  on the psychological challenges of celebrity, Fragile Power, is coming out soon. Hazelden is the publisher. (Scroll down for more on Dr. Paul.)

Below Dr. Paul focuses on “infidelity.”


Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

From Dr. Paul’s most recent newsletter (with a link to full story from Oprah’s magazine.)

This morning, one of the smartest, successful and most compassionate human beings I know reached out to me through Facebook Messenger with a simple message,”Crazy world out there Dr. Paul.”

He’s right.

The world has devolved down to a level baseness I’ve not experienced in the whole of my middle-aged existence.

At the core of this profanity is a narrative of betrayal by our political leaders, our corporations, and the human beings we’ve trusted with our vulnerabilities.

Infidelity, the most intimate manifestation of this toxic betrayal, is topic I work with in my private practice, as the clinical fellow at Urban Recovery NYC- and that I explore in depth in my up coming book, Fragile Power.

Recently, I was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey’s magazine on the reasons people cheat.

The top reason I proffered stems from the fragility of the person who wonders ego:

“Sex is not the primary reason people cheat,” says Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, psychotherapist and author of ‘Fragile Power: Why Having Everything Is Never Enough.’ The primary reason is that there’s a deficiency in their life and specifically, in their ego. They feel incomplete.”

You can find the link to the entire article in Oprah Magazine here.

To get our world and relationships back on a track of healing, hope, and sanity we must stop surrendering our power to people and institutions that betray us. Unfortunately, for many people this will require accepting that they’ve trusted people who are operating out of a place of deficiency rather than strength.

While I’m afraid we’re going to have to endure a further erosion of integrity until we can reclaim our power, I’m confident it can be reclaimed. Human beings are incredibly resilient and are called to move in a reparative direction. Let’s unite in the strength of robust egos rather than surrendering our power to those that are fragile…

More about Dr. Paul:

Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Dr. Paul Hokemeyer

Paul Hokemeyer , J.D., Ph.D., is an internationally renowned Marriage and Family Therapist licensed in the states of New York and Colorado. He appears regularly in a variety of media outlets including CNN, FOX News, The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal. In addition to maintainng a clinical and consulting practice, he works as a case manager to ultra high net worth and celebrity patients to ensure they obtain the highest level of clinical care. His book on the topic of celebrity and mental health is scheduled to be published by Hazelden Publishing, Summer 2019.

You can read more about Dr. Paul and his work at

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