6 Dirty Secrets She’s Hiding From You

22 Jun 6 Dirty Secrets She’s Hiding From You

The article by Aleisha Fetters in Men’s Health was brought to our attention by Telluride Inside… and Out’s regular contributor (and expert witness in the story) Dr. Paul Hokemeyer. Turns out the whole truth and nothing but in a relationship aligns with unicorns and Santa.

Image courtesy of Men’s Health

She’ll give you her heart and give you her body, but chances are she’s still keeping some secrets close to her chest. Want her to ’fess up? Before you start digging, learn what her secrets really say about your relationship—and whether or not honesty is always the best policy.

1. Her Sexual Past Is a Mystery

Her number of past partners might be higher or lower than she originally let on. How come? “She’s afraid you will judge her—and you probably will,” says matchmaker Rachel DeAlto, author of Flirt Fearlessly. “Having too few sexual partners makes her seem inexperienced and a prude, but too many can brand her a slut. There is no right number. Letting this stay a secret is in both of your best interests, so let it go.” And if you’re both happy with your relationship, it shouldn’t matter what her tally is.

2. She’s Drowning in Debt

These days, who doesn’t have debt? But if she hides her bottom line, she probably feels embarrassed or even guilty about hers, says relationship expert Terri Orbuch, Ph.D. Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so full financial disclosure is vital—especially if you’re together for the long haul. Lay the “you can open up to me” groundwork by assessing how you react when she goes on a shopping spree, or lets it slip that she paid her bills late last month. Don’t say anything she could perceive as judgmental, and instead ask her if she would be open to talking about where each of you stands financially. Establish that you want to work together toward the healthiest financial future possible, Orbuch recommends.

3. She Stalks Her Ex on Facebook

“Being overly interested in an ex’s life can be a death sentence for a relationship if the underlying causes aren’t addressed,” says DeAlto. “She’s either not over her ex, or she isn’t getting what she needs in your relationship to be satisfied,” DeAlto says. But your wrong move would be to mention the word “stalking.” Instead, “ask her about what makes her scared in your relationship, and how her past relationships have influenced that,” suggests Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., a Manhattan-based marriage therapist. (Check out 5 Lessons You Can Learn from Her Ex.)

4. She Uses a Vibrator . . . a Lot…

Continue reading here.

Editor’s Note: Dr. Paul Hokemeyer is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. The part-time Telluride resident is based in the New York City office of the Caron Treatment Center. He is also a contributor to The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, “The Dr. Oz Show,”  Good Morning America, The Today Show, CNN’s Prime News, Fox News, Oprah Radio and more.