Why Men Mess Up Valentine’s Day

Valentines Day means you can give the gift that keeps on giving: Lingerie you want to tear off her body.

Stop right there.

Last year, 52 percent of unmarried guys admitted to buying V-Day gifts for their S.O.s that were actually for themselves—tickets to your favorite basketball team, lingerie you like, or a steak dinner at your favorite restaurant, according (to) a StubHub survey.

We’re guessing those are the guys who ended up fighting their way through Valentine’s Day dinner last year. In one extreme cautionary tale of 2013, a Chicago-area woman actually bit off a chunk of her boyfriend’s tongue during a V-Day dispute when he tried to kiss and make up.

Okay, so it’s hard to imagine any gift that would make your girl do that, but the point still stands: Keep her happy on Valentine’s Day. And buying yourself something pretty won’t do the trick.

Here’s why: Staying out of the doghouse depends on showing your squeeze that you’ve thought a lot about her and her interests, says Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D., a Manhattan-based relationship therapist. That’s one reason why surveys show that women are over the oh-so-impersonal flowers, chocolates, and teddy bear staples. They pretty much scream, “I gave this zero thought!”

How can you learn from past V-day disasters?

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Editor’s Note: Dr. Paul Hokemeyer is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. The part-time Telluride resident is based in the New York City office of the Caron Treatment Center. He is also a contributor to The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, “The Dr. Oz Show,”  Good Morning America, The Today Show, CNN’s Prime News, Fox News, Oprah Radio and more.