SHRINK RAP: IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH, DAUNTING?
Editor’s note: Dr. Paul Hokemeyer is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. A part-time Telluride resident, Dr. Hokemeyer is based in the New York City office of the Caron Treatment Center. He is also a contributor to The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, “The Dr. Oz Show,” CNN’s “Headline News,” and other media outlets, including “Good Morning America,” “truTV,” WebMD, and “Oprah Radio.” The following blog is based on a recent TV interview featuring Dr. Hokemeyer. This blog and interview is part 2 of a six-part series about women’s issue.
In addition to losing interest in one another, particularly sexually, and growing apart, women are also concerned about what happens if they get sick and their spouses are forced to hold it together.
It is true women are much better caregivers than men. And they have an infinitely greater threshold for pain (think childbirth). But men do have the capacity to show up for their partners in times of need. The key here is for women to manage their expectations as to how their man’s care will manifest itself.
In that regard, a woman needs to remember that men are transactional and women are relationship oriented. While women manifest care though warmth and nurturance, men focus more on objective details. So while a woman may sit and hold the hand of the sick and suffering, a man is more inclined to make sure everything is in order, appointments are scheduled and met, and an appropriate team is in place to address the situation.
That isn’t to say he cares any less or loves less deeply. Life is just different on Mars.
To learn more, click the “play” button and listen to my interview with Susan Viebrock.