Poets' Corner: Feela With A Laugh For Xmas!

No matter how darn organized you are, it is likely there is at least one person on your Christmas shopping list who has stopped you dead in your (very tired by now) tracks. As will this poem by regular contributor and razor-sharp wit David Feela (but in a good way). His words, a perfect stocking stuffer for those of us who are Grinching out.

David Feela

Holiday Shopping

“May I help you find the perfect Christmas gift?”

“I’m looking for a pair of pants for my father-in-law.”

“Follow me and I’ll show you our popular Fits-Like-a-Glove style.”

“No, he hates pants that are too tight.”

“How about our Ifs, Ends, and Butts designer slacks?”

“Are they comfortable?”

“Not terribly, but that’s not why our customers buy them.”

“So why do they buy them?”

“For the little beeper that goes off when they back up.”

“No, that doesn’t sound right for him.”

“We have a sale on our Get-Crackin’ blue jeans.”

“He has enough trouble without his pants announcing it.”

“How about Baggy-Saggies?”

“Actually, he wears suspenders.”

“You must be shopping for someone more traditional.”

“Do you carry anything with a relaxed fit?”

“I don’t like to show them, but we do carry a line called The Retired-Fit.”

“What are they like?”

“Basically, just a pair of sweatpants with a drawstring.”

“Do they come in large sizes?”

“Sorry, only one-size-fits-all, but we’ve had up to four clerks in a single pair.”

“They must be comfortable.”

“Only the woman complained.”

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