Poets’ Corner: A Gift of Wit from Feela for Xmas!

21 Dec Poets’ Corner: A Gift of Wit from Feela for Xmas!

 Memories of  Xmases past are as persistent as Santa myths, as unavoidable as telemarketers, carols, “It’s A Wonderful Life” and, in this season of tridemics, reminders about masking and social distancing. Yet again.  Oy vey. Fa la la la… 

The following is one such (very quirky like the author) holiday memory written by a favorite writer-poet and contributor to Telluride Inside… and Out, David Feela., This is a man who can slap every ounce of funny out of life as it is.

Go here for more of Feela’s pearls.

Freight Fright

“I’d like to ship this Christmas package, please.”
“Certainly. How quickly do you want it to arrive?”
“Standard shipping will be fine.”
“So you don’t care about the person who’s receiving it?”
“Of course I care.”
“Standard shipping is no way to show you care. May I recommend our triple upgrade.”
“I just want it to arrive in good condition.”
“Our triple upgrade guarantees that. The first upgrade makes sure it’s on the correct truck, the second upgrade discourages abusive drivers from handling your delivery, and the third upgrade triples your shipping cost.”
“Why would I want to triple my cost?”
“To show you care, in a non-awkward way.”
“I’ll stick with standard shipping.”
“That will be fifty dollars.”
“Fifty dollars? How much with insurance?”
“A hundred and fifty.”
“I’ll drive it there myself for a hundred and fifty dollars.”
“Excellent. If you’ll back up to the loading dock before leaving, we have a few other holiday packages going in your direction.”