Poets’ Corner: Feela for Black Friday

25 Nov Poets’ Corner: Feela for Black Friday

An elderly woman stole an ice cream maker out of a man in a wheelchair’s electric cart. A woman let her kiddo use a games shop floor as a restroom. Another woman bit a cop over a sold-out Elmo. A man fell on purpose so he could sue for big Black Friday bucks. A couple waited over half a day for $2 towels. A woman was caught stuffing a frozen lobster tail inside her pants. A little old lady punched a teenage boy in the face to get the last radio. All true, all snippets of stories from the wild and crazy world of Black Friday. The following Thanksgiving narrative by our not-regular-enough contributor David Feela puts what used to be a contact sport in perspective.

David Feela

Black Friday Fashion for Older Men

“May I help you find something?”
“I’m looking for a pair of pants for my father-in-law.”
“Follow me and I’ll show you our popular Fits-Like-a-Glove style.”
“No, he hates pants that are too tight.”
“How about our Ifs, Ends, and Butts designer slacks?”
“Are they comfortable?”
“Not terribly, but that’s not why our customers buy them.”
“So why do they buy them?”
“For the little beeper that goes off when they back up.”
“No, that doesn’t sound right for him.”
“We have a sale on our Get-Crackin’ blue jeans.”
“He has enough trouble without his pants announcing it.”
“How about Baggy-Saggies?”
“Actually, he wears suspenders.”
“You must be shopping for someone more traditional.”
“Do you carry anything with a relaxed fit?”
“I don’t like to show them, but we do carry a line called The Retired-Fit.”
“What are they like?”
“Basically, just a pair of sweatpants with a drawstring.”
“Do they come in large sizes?”
“Sorry, only one-size-fits-all, but we’ve had up to four clerks inside a single pair.”
“They must be comfortable.”
“Only the woman complained.”

David Feela, more:

David Feela, retired from a 27-year teaching gig, works as a freelance columnist for the Four Corners Free Press and the Durango Telegraph. His two poetry collections,”The Home Atlas “and a chapbook titled “Little Acres, “are available from online outlets or directly the author. An essay collection which was nominated for a Colorado Book Award, “How Delicate These Arches,” can still be downloaded as an ebook.

Please visit the author’s website at www.feelasophy.weebly.com for details, links, and reviews.