Second Chance: Dear Rob Story

Second Chance: Dear Rob Story

Dear Mr. Rob Story, The Watch columnist of the spanking new column Dropping In, It was with escalating interest that I read your new column entitled “To Kill a Magpie” in last week’s edition of The Watch.

Your struggles with the squawking crazed beast in the form of a Magpie you affectionately referred to as Trumpbird sounded alarming. I write to offer my services to protect you and your home from further insult and danger.

I do hope that Trumpbird does not return – and Pet Column readers please note that in his struggles with the taunting and deranged bird Rob did not violate any Town ordinances and fully complied with the Internet Center for Wildlife Damage Management – but he also sounds like the sort of fellow who rubs feathers with the wrong flock, so I fear your troubles have not fully flown by the wayside.

But do lay down your lemon juice filled super soaker. I am here to help.

First let me introduce myself.


My name is Louise (and yes, I have a sidekick named Thelma). I am a beautiful, kind-spirited and homeless Calico here at Second Chance Humane Society. Although I am only nine months young, my earlier life misfortunes required I become street smart and knowledgeable about how to deter pests and other lurking dangers.

Although Trumpbird sounds like a challenging adversary, I can assure you I am up for the task. I will warn you, however, that my intent is not solely to be a working cat. The truth is I have no interest in living on my own outside any longer. I would certainly need lots of attention and affection from you and a place on your lap while you write your column.

We recently had a guy visit the shelter stating he wanted to adopt a cat “as a good antidote to the more intense elements of masculinity.” I found that to be an interesting perspective. I hope I don’t sound too pushy or assumptive on this, but I really think someone like me could provide such a balance in your life (as all good pets do to their people). Ok, I’ll just say it…Rob, I think you should adopt me.

And I admit I need you as well.

I need a home to rest my head upon and a person to rest my heart upon. I envision a year or two into our lives together, when asked how I knew I’d met the right person, I’ll be able to say, “he just gets me”…

So I don’t burn an entire Pet Column on just you and me, I would like to submit an addendum that, if you don’t feel the same way, I hope someone else out there reading this Pet Column will pick up what I am throwing down.


Ok, back to Trumpbird…I know you postulated that the sudden absence of this creature and his menacing ways was the result of the laws of nature, but I have a strong suspicion he is only temporarily offering you respite while he gathers… friends. Therefore I am going to recommend that you also adopt my canine friend Winter.

Winter is a handsome and awesome young husky mix, who would love living in Telluride with us to partner in the task of keeping your deck free of Magpie splotchy droppings. He too is looking to bond at the emotional level as well.

We look forward to meeting you…or someone like you…


Vetting the Vet: Dr. Michelle Dally, DVM, J.D. is Medical Director of Second Chance Humane Society. She also has a private practice, Dally Veterinary Medicine, 333 S. Elizabeth Street, Ridgway, Colorado. Her service area is  San Miguel Mesas, Placerville, Ridgway, Ouray, and Montrose. For more on Dr. Dally, go here.

Michelle & Wallowby

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