Second Chance: To My Pets

25 Jan Second Chance: To My Pets

Dear Pet Column,

I know this column is typically read by pet parents, but I am hoping you will share the attached to a different audience – my pets…

Zeus

Dear Pets,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not transform it into your possession, nor do I find the practice aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the objective.  Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. Although I am very sorry about this, do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try turning the knob, or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I have to exit through the same door I entered.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

To be fair, despite the challenges described above, I prefer you to children because you:

(1) Eat less,
(2) Don’t ask for money all the time,
(3) Are easier to train (well, mostly)
(4) Normally come when called,
(5) Never ask to drive the car,
(6) Don’t bring suspicious looking friends home,
(7) Don’t smoke or drink,
(8) Don’t want to wear my clothes,
(9) Don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) Are spay/neutered and won’t make me raise your offspring too.

If the latter half of this letter encourages people to trade in their children for pets I would highly recommend Second Chance’s Zeus or Opa. Here is a quick note from him:

Although I look like just a big headed lug of a dog I am a quiet, loyal, stoic boy who loves all people and dogs. I have been failed by love on multiple occasions (this is my third time here at Second Chance (due to human circumstances and not mine) and am hopeful that my fourth chance will be my true love. I am only three years young and looking for a love of a lifetime as is my feline friend Opa.  

Opa

Opa is a 5 years young very calm, quiet, and gentle boy who loves people and to cuddle.  He gets along great with other cats and dogs and due to his tall and long stature sometimes is mistaken for a purring lap dog.

Editor’s note: It’s no secret. The Telluride region is dog heaven. Well, pet heaven. Unless you are one of our furry friends who gets caught in the maw of neglect and abuse. Then heaven is on hold until Second Chance Humane Society comes to the rescue. Second Chance is the region’s nonprofit dedicated to saving animals’ lives and promoting responsible pet parenting and human-animal bond. In her weekly blog, executive director Kelly Goodin profiles at least one, generally two of the many animals now living at the no-kill shelter, Angel Ridge Shelter, a dog and a cat, hoping to find them loving permanent homes. The column is sponsored by Ted Hoff of Cottonwood Ranch & Kennel, who from time to time exercises his skills as a dog whisperer, partnering with Kelly and her staff to help train a particularly challenging animal.

Ted Hoff &  Magnificent Mae

By the by, there is no better place to park your pup or get your pup (or adult dog) trained than Cottonwood whenever you head out of town (for locals) or are heading to town and staying somewhere that does not allow pets. Consider joining Ted’s Very Important Dog (VID) Club for added benies. (Details on Ted’s website.)

Dr. Michelle and Wallowby