18 Jul Shrink Rap: Dr. Paul, How To Talk To Your Kids Today
Editor’s Note: Dr. Paul Hokemeyer is a part-time local, who lives and works in Manhattan, Malibu and Telluride. He is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a PhD in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. Dr. Paul also contributes to many prestigious news outlets, including The New York Times, CNN, The Wall Street Journal, Good Morning America, The Today Show, Fox News, Oprah Radio, etc. From time to time he has created a column, Shrink Rap, for Telluride Inside.. and Out. The following is Dr. Paul’s take on how to talk with your kiddos about all the dark and difficult stories in the news today. The story appeared on doctoroz.com several years ago, but is even more relevant today.
For better or worse, we live in a media-saturated world. Perhaps you’ve yet to embrace all that is electronic and new, but rest assured your kids are hyper-connected. Within seconds of an announcement, your kids know what celebrity has entered rehab at a shocking 87 pounds, who is addicted to what, who is hooking-up, and each and every step of “Gossip Girl.”
Information, both good and bad, forms the core of our kids’ existence. It also holds the potential to help them grow into healthy adults or trap them in destructive patterns of being.
One of the best ways parents and caregivers can insure our kids lead healthy, productive lives is to talk to them on a regular basis about what’s happening in the world around them.
Often parents think the best strategy in dealing with disturbing news (like the admission of their kid’s favorite celebrity into treatment for a drug addiction or an eating disorder) is to pretend that the news doesn’t exist. In my experience, silence around these matters is far from golden. Your kids will be talking, texting and sharing information about the situation online. Make sure you are part of this conversation.
So how can parents engage their kids in constructive conversations around topics they would prefer to avoid or wish would go away? The following tips are designed to help you in this process:
1) Be curious, not judgmental: Your kids have minds and lives of their own. The minute they receive a piece of news, they form opinions about it. Find out what those opinions are. A good way to start this conversation is to ask them with a line such as, “I just heard [celebrity’s name] has entered treatment for an eating disorder. What do you make of that?”
2) Focus on strengths: Once you know where your kids stand on an issue, you can address your comments to meet them where they are – not where you think they should be. If your kid says it makes sense that a celebrity would have an eating disorder because it helps her look fabulous, you can say something to the effect of, “Well, what’s fabulous about [celebrity’s name] is that she realized how unhealthy and unhappy this pressure to be thin made her and how strong she is to take action to do something about it. Her resolve to be healthy is what makes her a star”…
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